Lethe and Zihark
by Ivanfanatic
Summary: A random fic about Zihark chasing Lethe around. Insanity ensues, Mia gives Lethe love advice, and Ilyana tries to eat everything she sees.


Her tail twitched. Her whiskers twitched. Her hands twitched. Hell, even her eye twitched. Lethe was more than irritated after what she had just seen happen to Renulf and she was more than ready to rip up a vigilante like no body's business.

Still, Lethe held her tongue and her position, calmly waiting for her next set of orders. Of course, this could take awhile, as Ike was busy screaming at Rolf to stop provoking the wyverns sitting just outside the city.

"Be glad you do not have that skill, boy." Lethe's eye twitched as she watched Rolf reluctantly shuffle away from the wyverns. "Those wyverns would chase you in a heart beat-eh?" Lethe's ears twitched and she turned around, just in time to see a man running at her, sword drawn.

"RAAAAAAAAAAWR SUBHUMAN I MUST KILL!" He screamed, but this only made Lethe even angrier. As soon as the man got close enough, Lethe leaped over him, skidded 180 degrees, then made a mad dash for his back. The man never knew what hit him when Lethe's large, pointy, ouchy, fatal claws ripped into pieces. He was dead in an instant.

"If I ever die… I'm going to rip Ashera to shreds for creating the Beorc. I know pigs smarter than they are."

Just a little ways ahead of Lethe, a myrmidon named Zihark was standing side by side with the leader of the vigilantes.

"So… Why do we hate the laguz again?"

"BECAUSE THEY'RE BETTER THAN US!" Misc. veins in the vigilante's neck and forehead throbbed with anger, then he quickly remembered where he was and calmed down. "I mean- because they terrorize our people and we have to protect this village!"

"…Why do the laguz terrorize this village? As long as I've been here, I've never seen any laguz."

"Well there's one right there! Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to go get my ass kicked." The leader huffed and stormed off in Lethe's direction. Sure enough, Lethe ripped him to pieces just like she did the previous soldier.

Zihark's jaw hit the floor as soon as he saw Lethe. He didn't care if the bow knight near him or anyone else saw, but he could not help but stare. He made a notion not to tell anyone of his laguz fetish since… well, he didn't know any laguz women until now. Just watching Lethe made him feel all jittery inside. The way she moved when she attacked, the way she landed gracefully, the way her thighs…oh god, her thighs…

"Hey… you hungry?"

"Huh?" Zihark snapped out of his trance. The Bow knight was talking to him.

"You're drooling."

"Er…I… yeah… sorry…" Zihark blushed.

"It's not advised to eat mid battle, you know." The Bow knight began to ramble, "You should wait at least 30 minutes after you eat before you go into a fight because you could get sick and throw up and then you might die because your biorhythm will go down-"

"I'm going to go kill that laguz, okay?"

"Okay, but be careful because they have very sharp claws and can rip a normal person to shreds very quickly…" The bow knight rambled on, but Zihark blocked it out of his mind. A tense, nervous feeling began to build up in his stomach as he approached the laguz. What would he say to her? Would she tell him to shove off? Would she attack him? Would she fall for him? Would she let him sweep her and carry her off to that house-

"Hiss die human!"

"Don't kill me! I want to fight with the laguz!"

"What?" Lethe blinked. Earlier this guy was starring at her like some kind of idiot and now he wants to fight with her? What the flux?

"What do you want me to do? I will kill all these vigilantes!" Zihark waved behind him. Behind him the bow knight was still talking and the other vigilante was picking his nose. Seeing Lethe wasn't impressed, he went on. "What's your name?"

"Lethe-"

"That's a pretty name. It suits you."

"I-"

"It'll be worth your while if I join!"

"Er-"

"PLEASE!" Zihark dropped down on his knees and clasped his hands together. Lethe, still in fighting form, was now very, very confused. It was like a beorc to beg a laguz, but that was only when they were going to be ripped to shreds. Here this guy randomly ran up to her and offered to kill all these people. Lethe grinned. Maybe he was doing it out of fear.

"How do I know you're not just begging for your life?"

"Because if you thought I was begging for my life, you would have ripped me to pieces by now."

"True." A large streak of irritation crossed Lethe's face. How could a beorc figure her out like that so quickly?

"I have been watching you fight in battle… the way you leap… the way you rip your enemies to pieces… the way you gracefully land… oooh…" Zihark shivered, "I get goosebumps thinking about it…"

"…You're creepy, you know that? You can join, but keep away from me." Lethe, confused and irritated, rushed forwards and slaughtered the rambling bow knight.

"BROM MAD! BROM SMASH!"

"NOW look what you've done, Rolf!"

"I didn't mean to shoot him, Boyd!" Rolf sniffled, "The soldier moved on me!" Poor Rolf had fired a shot at a soldier, but the soldier had dodged the attack and the arrow landed right in Brom's butt. Brom was now thrashing about, hurling javelins everywhere.

"I WILL KILL YOU!" An archer aimed for Marcia, but was promptly impaled by one of the javelins.

"You okay, sugar?" Marcia asked.

"Yeah… I think so…" The archer coughed. Out of nowhere, a dresser came flying out of a window and landed on top of him, killing him instantly.

"HEY WTF?" Marcia looked up at the window. Mia and Ilyana stood there with dumb expressions on their faces, then pointed at each other.

"SHE DID IT!"

"YOU ALMOST HIT ME!

"We were trying to protect you from that archer!" Mia explained while Ilyana gnawed on the windowsill.

"Grrrrrr I'll show you protection!"

"GAH! Ilyana, run!" Mia grabbed Ilyana by the arm and pulled her back inside just as Marcia and her Pegasus dove into the window. Since everyone knows that pegasi don't belong in houses, it's only natural that the horse got stuck halfway into the window.

Creak… creak creak crack crack crack SHATTER COLLAPSE FLAAAAAAAAAMES!

"Oh… just lovely, Marcia." Mia frowned at Marcia as the poor cottage burned in front of them. "Did you forget that when we go to houses with open doors, the people generally give us an item?"

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr No I didn't-STOP chewing on my pegasus!"

"Sorry I'm just so hungry…"

"You know…" Not too far from the three girls, a Daein thief was standing next to Soren. "I really don't have a desire to rob that house anymore."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"That's too bad."

"Why?"

"That lady had an Elwind tome."

"Awwww that's not fair! How do you know that!"

"Because she gave it to me." Soren slowly and all scary like turned his face to the thief, then slowly drew his arms across his chest to perform a critical attack.

"…Oh hell no…"

"YOU LEFT US FOR HER!"

"Uh…….. yes." Zihark slashed up the guy standing behind the bow knight in a critical both smooth and graceful. He twirled his sword before he sheathed it, flicked his hair back with his hand, then turned to Lethe.

"…Chicks before dicks… not… cool man…" The lance knight coughed, leaned forward on his horse, and magically disappeared.

"….Do you ever wonder where the horses go?" Ilyana tilted her head as she watched Zihark dance around like a loon before Lethe kicked him in the back. "I mean, after the rider is dead…"

"They go to the big horsie recycling bin in heaven." Mia rolled her eyes. "Now come on. There's an interesting looking chiffarobe in this house… hey!"

"Why are you following us! Are you trying to hurt Lethe?"

"Erm… no, we're just following this rout…"

"Zihark, leave them alone before I shred you to pieces." Lethe hissed. "They are part of the mercenaries I'm traveling with."

"I see… HEY! YOU THERE!"

"I didn't do anything!" A poor monk was standing about doing nothing until Zihark had spotted him and chased him into a back alley.

"You know, Lethe… you can use this to your advantage." Mia flipped her hair behind her head and placed her hand on her hip.

"Who are you?"

"Mia. Swordmaster." Mia bowed, "And this is Ilyana."

"I can see that." Lethe raised an eyebrow at the mage gnawing at her ankle. "Do you mind?"

"ILLY!"

"Sorry!" Ilyana jumped up and hid behind Mia.

"So what are you talking about, Mia?"

"I'm sayin that you can use Zihark to do anything! I've been watching you for some time and I've noticed he's head over heels for you!"

"Why would I want some beorc following me around like a lost dog?"

"You could make him do things for ya! Like carry your stuff, bring you food-"

"WHERE!"

"-pick off other beorcs, that kinda thing!"

"Slave labor?" Lethe's eyes darkened.

"BOY labor is what it's called." Mia said all hoity toity like. "It's what us girls do. I'm sure you've had a boyfriend before, right?"

"I do not want a mate!"

"Jeez, touchy touchy. If you don't want him, can I have him?" Mia smirked. Before Lethe could say another word a loud whistle caught their attention. The three girls turned their heads to see Zihark standing on top of a pile of beat up Daeins, waving at them.

"HI HONEY!"

"On second thought…" Mia looked at Lethe, "You can keep him."

"Thanks. I feel so honored." Lethe gritted her teeth.

After much more fighting and fussing, Greil's Mercenaries finally got to the docks, but a lone knight stood in their way.

"Okay, group huddle!" Ike clapped his hands, and the small band of fighters huddled in a circle to figure out what to do. "Okay! …Any ideas?"

"OOO! OOO! I have one! I have one!" Rolf jumped up and down.

"Rolf, you can't kill that knight."

"Ike, I'm not a child! I'm a grown up!"

"Rolf, you're ten years old, you're not an adult! Now get your ass over there and tank that knight until we figure out what to do!"

"Awww…" Rolf puffed out his cheeks, and then reluctantly went over to distract the knight.

"Ike, did you have to be so harsh to him?" Mist frowned, but Ike shrugged.

"He's got a lot of defense. He'll be fine."

"Ike, if I may…" Soren spoke up, "The knight has little resistance."

"Not so fast, sugar!" Marcia jabbed Soren in the side, "You don't need the experience like some of us do!"

"I'm not planning on giving any to you, either."

"That just sounds so dirty…" Mia snickered to Ilyana.

"What are you snickering about?"

"Just getting experience, Ike, that's all."

"Ah. Well since Rhys somehow broke his Heal stave..." Ike looked at Rhys, who was busy trying to beat Brom with the broken stave. "And everyone is pretty worn out, I'm going to suggest two of you go forward."

"Do you want a couple?"

"What?"

"Well, you know… someone who can go long and the other who can hit it right up front."

"That's true. The knight doesn't look too hard, so maybe someone who doesn't have a lot of experience should take him on. How about you, Ilyana?"

"I'm not sure… That lance of his is pretty big… "

"You can hit from the side. You don't have to take it all in at once, you know."

"HEY IKE! I JUST NAILED THE KNIGHT!"

"ROLF! I told you to tank!"

"I'm SORRY!" Rolf snorted, then marched on the ship. "I'm leaving you all behind to become a pirate!"


End file.
